My first post

I haven't posted here yet just because there is simply too much for me to say - Jana was amazing. She was an awesome aunt and I would honestly consider her to be one of my best friends. Every day, I strive to be more like her, to treat people the way she would, to always care even when it's hard, to always be happy no matter the circumstances, and to laugh as much as possible.

I think the thing I can remember most about Jana is her laugh. It was so distinct and so infectious. She was silly, and because of that, it was so easy to want to be around her. She made you feel special, loved and included - even when you were the "child" of the bunch and no one else really valued your opinion.

When my husband and I got married, Jana was separated from her own husband - looking back, I know it was hard for her, but she never showed it! She was always so happy for me and so congratulatory. She even threw me my first Wedding shower and gave me my most treasured set of bowls (I used them last night at our housewarming party). Drew and I moved into the apartment complex where she worked, and at the time, I was in school and working part time. It was one of my favorite things to do to walk down to her office and just sit and talk if she wasn't too busy. I even asked for fashion advice on more than one occasion when I was going to meet Drew for something and wanted to make sure my outfit was OK. We had fun conversations about what we were doing that weekend, and very serious conversations about how unfair the world is, about child rearing, about marriage, and more than anything I wish I could thank her for teaching me that life just simply is not perfect, but you have to make the most out of every day.

When I was little, Jana always sent me post cards and letters that she wrote in colorful markers and drew pictures on. I treasured these SO much because they were written specifically to me - not to me and Emily or to the whole family, but to me alone. I have no idea where the nick name came from, but she called me Scooby, and I would really like to know why!!

It still doesn't seem real to me that she is gone, but on the other hand, a very big part of me just pushes the thought away so that I don't have to think about it and deal with it. That is how my defense mechanisms work. I guess in the end, it made me aware of how thankful I am of my family and how important it is to tell them!

-Marcie